Thursday, December 12, 2013

send your heart beat I'll go...

photo credit: tumblr (words and filter added by me)

  Today officially marks five years my mom passed away. I was devastated when the doctors told us, she had a heart attack and she didn't open her eyes ever since then. Thinking about it still seems like something like that should have been in a movie. It was so sudden, it hit me so hard, I fell apart at the seams and wasn't able to function properly until about two years ago. But this year is different. I am able to grieve and be okay. I still get stuck in a haze sometimes. I retreat into myself, surround myself with music and loneliness. I go from day to day and everything turns into a blur then I'm snapped out of it and I see that days almost weeks have gone by without me really noticing time pass.

  But, today isn't one of those days. Today I am in pain, today I am aware of time, today i am thankful for all those memories, all those words of encouragement and those looks of determination. I'm thankful for the stern hand my mother delt me with, for her playful nature, for the love she instilled in me. I hurt, but I am happy. I'm happy and thankful to have had a mother; a great mother who taught me that being friends is your own daughter is the best thing you can give them. As cliche as it may sound, my mom was my best friend. I talked to her about almost everything. And I think that's what I miss the most. I miss my best friend that was my mother. She was the world to me and will always be.

So thank you, mom. Where ever you may be; I know you weren't perfect, but you gave me love, you gave me encouragement and a vision. You were an amazing woman. I will love you until my last breath.

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