Friday, December 16, 2016

life after 18 - the present

I can't say I am over the hurt of my mom passing away.
I feel it harder some days more than others.
It's getting easier, but I still remember her. S

he wasn't a saint, but she was one awesome mom.

I have made it my life mission to love myself.
To do things that benefit me.
To go and explore the world.
To get out of my own little bubble.

And I've done a little of it, but I have my whole life ahead of me.
The possibilities are endless as long as I believe in myself.

And if my mom taught me anything, is that you don't give up.
You don't give in.
There will always be a way out.

Thank you for sticking with me. I appreciate it.


Thursday, December 15, 2016

life after 18 - life lessons

The things you learn when you're young leave an impact on you.
The friends that you make in high school will always have a spacial place in your heart.
Your siblings will be more like friends once you're out of those slightly awkward teenage years and there's not much to tease you about but your life as a whole.
But that's the comforting part.

My siblings are still here, we're still a family even if we're all broken up.
Even if you don't agree with each other's decisions, you're still in their life because you love each other.


Wednesday, December 14, 2016

life after 18 - true to yourself

I sometimes think that I didn't get the "normal" teenage experience.

That I didn't go out in my early 20's.
That I haven't done enough to be considered an "experienced adult".
But then I think to myself, "did you really want to do all those things?"

And the answer is no. I am not a partier. I am not a smoker, nor a drinker.
I am simple and kinda boring.
I'm me and I am unapologetic about it.


Tuesday, December 13, 2016

life after 18 - directions

Now that I think back on the past 8 years, they've been all such a whirl whirl.
There are some things I can't really remember, time just isn't good with memories, I suppose. But as I sit here, reflecting on my life, I have to say that I am content. The pain of losing my mom at such a crucial point in my life, not to mention my sister's life was very hard on us.

But it's made us the people we are today.
The decisions we made then have led us to our now.
And I am still trying to find myself.
See where I belong.


Monday, December 12, 2016

life after 18 - changing positions

In my mid 20s now, people always ask me why I don't get married. If I don't want kids of my own.
The truth is that my "motherly" instincts were kicked into drive since I was 18. I worried, I cared for and I put others ahead of my needs.

I was looked at as a team player, when in reality, I was the coach.
And I am ready to take charge of my own happiness.


Sunday, December 11, 2016

life after 18 - black and white

Things were difficult. I felt so many emotions; abandoned, alone, unwanted and like I didn't want to do anything at all.
I was depressed and a HS senior.

But not everything was black and white.
There were smiles in between.
There were encouraging teachers, there were amazing best friend and then there was my little sister. And then came my nephew.

My life of a black and white movie was slowly regaining color.


Saturday, December 10, 2016

life after 18 - life is a movie

8 years and 2 days ago my life changed.
I felt like a fish without water.
Like the movie credits were rolling but I had barely even blinked and missed the whole thing.
8 years ago my mom passed away and I must say, it killed me. I died a little that day. From that day on, even though I was on autopilot, I changed.


Friday, December 9, 2016

life after 18 - like the waves

I wasn't really sure if I wanted to post this. It's very personal and kind of emotionally cathartic. These are snippets of my life. Eight little snippets leading up to the present. This is the first one.

Isn't it crazy how life can change in an instant? One moment can define the rest of your life.
Kind of like the ocean waves, they all look similar, but to those who are deep in the waves, the feel the difference.


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